Why do people seem think it is their business about the company I keep? If I fucking want a friend over, I fucking will, whether you think it is right or normal. Also, nothing is happening between us, so just stop. Just fucking stop. If I get one more fucking text about it from another bitchy family memeber, I swear I am going to just fucking tell them that we are fucking each other in our eyes and eating children. OKAY?
Adventures without a bra; the story of The Criminal, A Loose Tooth, and Operation Dynasty.
As I awoke this morning, I felt peaceful; spooned in between a friend and my cat. I remember thinking that though I have a hangover today was going to be peaceful. I then decided that my friend and I must go eat. Oh look, free food.
The decision to wonder to my Mothers was easy. I had no clean socks to speak of. So, friend and I, went to my Mothers. Dragged her out of bed, like seriously. I have a picture of her bright and early noon face, but sadly I will not post that said picture. She may kill me if I do. anyway;
For about an hour Mother, friend, and I joked on and on about this or that, mostly concerning butt sex, of which my Mother decided that there is no way that she birthed me.
My Mothers mobile phone began to ring. She answered, on the other line was my sister, the one with five beautiful children. Our giggle fits soon ended as the phone conversation ensued. My sister’s ex and father of her children had decided to show up, causing mayhem.
In a quick decision my Mother, cousin Sunnie, and I decided to rush over with the police. This is the criminal.
A quick back story; there had been a birthday party for my niece and nephew the night before. Some children had spent the night at my sisters house.
So seven children and I sat in the back room playing video games and Pictionary. It was an exciting two hours as mayhem progressed beyond the walls of the back room at my sisters home.
Socks, shoes, jackets; loading up the children into the the cars.
"SHIT! HE STOLE MY CAR KEYS!"
Mayhem again, a wild race to get the keys back. But guess what? The Criminal threw them. But alas, actually The Criminal put them somewhere on a 2x4 at the baseball fields, field 7.
A loose tooth. Watch these two videos to understand this part.
Somehow we managed to get back to my Mothers. Blaring One Direction in the car for the children. Yes, I know every word to that damn song… I fed the children. I went all homemaker for a second. But only a second.
A slumber party nap happened, in the middle of all of this.
Operation Dynasty; find the fucking car keys. Equipped with boots, flash lights, and a hat (I’m the one wearing the hat). My friend, sister, and I began an adventure. A muddy adventure. Baseball field number 7, 2x4 number 3. Oh shit, there are like a thousand 2x4s. What is life? MUD.
Mud. Yes I got stuck in a pile of sinking mud. I had to be pulled out. It then began to storm. Rain pouring down on us three as we searched for these fucking car keys.